Penis trucks. They bother me.

Penis trucks.They bother me.You city folk have no idea.Out here in the "country", where the roads are plow-it-yourself, the Penis Truck rules.A definition: a Penis Truck is a great big Ford F 150 or some monstrosity that one needs a step-ladder in which one can enter the cab. It is usually red. Sometimes it has a thingamajigy with Rams Horns on it's front.Boys in my neighbourhood own Penis Trucks. It seems to be a requirement to live in this part of the country, although I have not yet gotten the memo stuffed in my mailbox, in the way I get the card-party notice and the newsletter outlining when is Bingo Nite at my local community centre.The Boys seem to know, however. And they appear to have a contract with the plow driver. That contract reads something like this: "I won't plow (says plow-driver) if you Penis Truck boys plow for me. For free! And it will be fun! And you will have fun doing it! And prove you have a Big Penis! And scare Menopausal women in their dotage because you can!"It reminds me of many years ago, when I dated this dude from "Upper Canada" who thought he was superiour to Islanders. He got really possessive and quite upset that I dated a "typical Islander".He said: "You're just going to marry an Oisland man with a jean jacket with a courdroy collar, turned up (sneer)." This was before he stalked me and made my life hell for a while.But I think he may have hit on something.Hey, I am a country girl. (Well, yes, I admit I was never allowed to drive the tractor because I was a "girl"). I was bought a mini-bike at age 12, and grew up on snowmobiles, and the first car I ever had was a stick shift, and I learned how to drive a car, and a truck, and how to "gear down" and "rock it" and get out of snowdrifts, and dig out of the ditch. And all that shit. And I did all that crap. And milked the cows, to boot. And other country wench stuff. (Although I never churned butter).Anyway, I am feeling now there is a problem with these Penis Truck sorts.I think it's the commercials those truck and SUV people put on television with John Cougar singing in the background. Coupled with stupidity, bad genetics, and small penises that must be compensated for.So tonight I had to drive home in a snowstorm. There was no visibility. The roads were drifting. You couldn't see. and it was slippy. Or slippery, to quote that stupid Upper-Canadian boy.So I'm driving, as usual, on my Plow-It-Yourself road. I'm going 50, with my studded winter tires, because that is as safe as it is. In my opinion. And I'm feeling safe. I can handle this. . .As usual, a Penis Truck blows up behind me. With his extra-long-penis high-beams on. He sits on my ass, approximately one quarter of an inch from my ass, in a snow-storm, and I can feel his Penis Rage blowing down my neck.I continue on.He blows past me. On a solid line. With no visibility. And snowdrifts knee deep."Hah." I think. "I hope you end up in the ditch you stupid Penis Fucker".Oh, but two seconds later, his buddy comes up behind me. With His Penis Truck. And His Brights.I am sorry, but they are having a chase! For fun!Second Penis Truck Boy also blows past me. On a solid line, with snowdrifts knee deep.They both proceed in front of me, in a raging blinding snowstorm, on the wrong side of the road. Where they stay. For fun! Chasing each other!Well, by this time, I am about to reach for my estrogen cream. Just for stability.But I have forgotten, this is Plow-it-Yourself, for Fun, in my neck of the woods.So I drive through drifts that consistently get higher, and thuddier, and in second gear I must stay hard left, because the drifts have gone hard right to left, I continue to meet on-coming Penis Trucks, which won't concede one inch of space, nor slow down less than 80 kilometers an hour. They make me stop. And wait them out. I think. Evil thoughts."I want to see you ALL in the ditch, on your rooves. Not dead, but seriously injured."Then, I think: "Also, I want a Penis Truck. Why don't I have one that is BIGGER than yours, you fuckers?"I blame commercials, bad genetics, and Penis Trucks.Bastards.